Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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