so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
