i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
