who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
