at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
