You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
