Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
