We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
