the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
