I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
farters have to be the big spoon...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
