Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize