It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
