when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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