We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
