hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
