I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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