I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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