guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My penis needs a shock collar
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
