No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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