some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
