you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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