i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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