She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
