A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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