I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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