video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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