dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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