well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
