I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jerry, you need to find god
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize