Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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