Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
