My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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