6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
