At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And then he peed in my hair
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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