He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
