"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
