it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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