i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
