Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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