I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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