There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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