My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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