I got chris browned last night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
