I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
