Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
