I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize