I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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