I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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