i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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