I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
