u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize