I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
