I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
