oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
