how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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