My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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