Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
