So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
