I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
