That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
