he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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