1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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