Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize