A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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