nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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