Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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