What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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