I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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